It Comes at a Cost

Everything in life comes at a cost.  Most of the time we don't recognize it until it's too late or we are already prepared for it and it doesn't matter or maybe the rewards far outweigh the cost in the first place, but either way we are living in a world with constant decisions to make that can have serious consequences, both good and bad.  Let me share some of my own examples...

I am just finishing up a week of spring break over here and lots of fun with sweet friends from Houston coming to visit.  After the first set of friends left on Monday afternoon, my heart was full but my body was tired.  Come Tuesday evening, I was just plain worn out.  I needed some space and with a toddler crying, older boys acting like I speak a foreign language, and a communication barrier between me and my husband I decided the best thing was to leave.  Just for a moment, not long and I had every intention of coming back (my husband was home, fyi).  I needed some space, air and a little bit of quiet.  My selfishness came at a cost, when I got home from the grocery store, my sweet Marco ran into my arms and burst into tears.  "I thought you were never coming back"
So much for my peace, totally wasn't worth it.

We go and watch Jeff play softball on Monday evenings which means the boys are up a lot later than their usual bedtime which can make for a cranky toddler the next day or a difficult time getting everyone settled for bed when we get home.  But seeing my four cheer for their daddy and to get excited when he hits a home run is worth every tear that may come.  Especially when my Christopher says "Yay, I so is-cited!"

My plan when we initially started homeschooling was to school year round.  I was pretty rigid with our schedule initially and packed a lot of "learning" on our plates.  I've since relaxed but still find myself trying to go back to my old ways.  I saw this playing out this week.  I wanted to try and do school over "spring break" but hadn't planned on Zach being with us.  Needless to say, my plan of teaching went out the window.  Zach's life is important.  Just as important as my boys. Though I know that each one of my four need as much time on school as possible I chose to not allow it to come before another.  I'm already thinking about this summer.  Will his mom ask me to watch Zach all summer?  What about school?  How is this going to work?  God is reminding me that Zach's life is important and the role we play will not go in vain.  So the cost?  Maybe my boys don't catch up quite as fast as I want them to but maybe just maybe God will use our family to bring Zach to Him.

Adoption.  International adoption.  The cost is the only reason we have never pursued this before. Had I initially known what hosting was all about I would have never considered it.  I am so glad that I made a phone call and said yes to Marco.  He goes back on Easter.  Just six more days until he goes back home - the only home he knows and remembers.  He calls us mom and dad.  He kisses us goodnight and snuggles in our arms.  Marco vacuums the kitchen every day, puts away clean silverware, cleans the table after dinner, and folds his clothes.  Marco is our son.  He belongs here and to officially become a Payne.

My sweet, sweet friends.  I need you like I've never needed you before.  The reality is, we cannot afford this adoption on our own.  Had we known this was in our path, we would have been saving for years but two months ago we were only a family of five and had no idea that one more would be added so quickly.  I will post on ways you can help.  But will you please commit to praying for our family, our financial situation, for Marco's heart, and God's provision.