Three Weeks to Heartbreak

We have about three weeks left to soak in as much as we can of this sweet boy!  Three weeks might seem like forever if you're a ten year old waiting for Christmas to come but when you're a momma having to give back one of your babies you don't want one second to pass.

This might be the hardest part of the journey. We are all falling in love but the goodbye has to come. He has to go back and then we can work hard to bring him home. Yesterday, he jumped in my arms and I was holding him like I hold my youngest. His head resting on my shoulder and us swaying back and forth.

"Three more weeks and you get to go back and see your friends!"  You see, he was told he was coming here for vacation and we were told to not mention adoption. Ever. So we are supposed to be counting down the days for him getting to go back home, like it's a good thing. But I can't be excited about this.  He raised his head and looked into my eyes "I will miss you a lot"  I just held him close and told him how we will all miss him.  I want to tell him that I will come back for him, to not worry he has a family now but all I can say is how much he is loved.  I pray he feels it, knows it, and gets a glimpse of our Savior while he's here.  I have to trust in the Lord's timing and provision.

People get all excited when adoption happens or a family gets a new child from foster care but every adoption and placement comes with an intense amount of pain.  As excited I am to love on another little boy, my heart aches for him.  His past, his hurt, his heart.  This was not by God's design and it's painful.  Don't get me wrong, I will be thrilled to be able to parent this precious boy and get to be part of his story and see what the Lord has in store for him but it all comes at a terrible price.

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Today we celebrated my oldest two turning eight and ten.  We had a skating party and had about 20 kids there.  It was amazing!  Last year we tried having a friend party for them with their friends at school but no one showed up.  It brought me to tears today to see the friends God has brought to us, those that took time out of their schedule and family to celebrate two of my very favorite people.  We are truly loved and I felt it today!  Moving from Houston was hard and I miss my friends there terribly but today my heart was overflowing with His goodness.  Today was a testimony to an answered prayer.

I looked around my table tonight, sweet faces staring back at me, and thanked God for each of them.  Their silliness, challenges, the joy that they bring to this family.  I dreamed my life would look like this-four boys, adoption, craziness, and full of love.  Oh God how I praise your name!!!  You have blessed me beyond my dreams.