I Will Never...

Twenty years ago I became a parenting expert (yes, I was 12).  I knew then how to do it all, what you were doing wrong and how to fix it.  And I wish I could say that I was joking, I truly believed that I knew how to do this whole parenting gig.  So for almost 20 years, I had it all figured out.  My friends would talk about their parenting challenges, I worked with parents that had children with very challenging behaviors and in every situation I had an answer about what YOU were doing wrong.  I never really voiced my opinions to others unless asked (at least I don't think I did), but I had all my "I'll never do that" tucked away for when I became the perfect mom.  Then I became a mom, instantly, overnight, a mom to three boys.  It literally rocked my world.  For days, weeks, and into months I could not talk about the changes my life took without falling into a million pieces.  I realized for the first time in my life, I had no clue as to what I was doing.

One of my major "I'll never do that" was letting my babies sleep with me.  I went on and on about how I will never give in to letting them sleep with me and I could tell you that your bed was meant for you and your husband, sleep is important for everyone, and that a child will be fine if left to cry it out.  Then my baby cried...  And thus began this new journey.

For the past 19 months, I've gone back and forth about trying to get Christopher to sleep in his bed. We did the crying for 20 minute intervals, sleeping in his room, rocking him, singing, dancing and whatever it took to get him to sleep and stay asleep in his bed.  We were in a pretty good rhythm until I switched him to his twin bed.  I did this just before he turned two and for the first week he did amazing and my pride resurfaced.

"Wonder what people are talking about when they say that their toddler has bedtime issues.  That's just ridiculous!"  

Then all of a sudden, I got it.  Christopher realized he could come into my room on his own and at any time he wanted.  I love my sleep so when he would come in crying, I would just pull him in bed with me and we would snuggle up and drift off peacefully together.  This has been continuing for the past six months.  We tried a pallet on the floor but it didn't work very well.  I would give in.

On Sunday, Jeff told me enough was enough.  He could no longer sleep in our bed and that if we wanted to do a pallet, fine but no more bed.  So begins our new journey of training Christopher to listen, obey, and stay in his room.  We have a mattress on the floor set up so if he comes in the middle of the night, he can sleep there but he is not allowed up in bed with us.  What's great about the entire situation is that Jeff doesn't hear a thing, I get to be awake and help Christopher understand the new program.  It's just awesome...but I want to honor my husband in his needs and wants so I'm trying my best.

Tears are associated with this training and loss of sleep on my end.  It's not a fun process.  This morning I slept until almost 9am because I didn't sleep much last night.  Christopher wasn't in my room, breakfast hadn't been made, and we needed to leave in 15 minutes to make it to bible study on time.  I walk out of my room and see Mark and Jacob working on school, Christopher dressed and chores done.  I asked Mark to help with breakfast as I took a shower.  It was sweet mercies this morning seeing routines that worked, boys that are helpful, and a life that I love.  Every challenge comes with the Lord's grace and today I was granted a sweet gift from each one of my boys.

I am thankful that I am no longer a parenting expert, that I fail daily, and that I am still loved by my family and my Savior.