One Thankful Heart

I want to recap some of the moments I've had over the past couple of days.  God shows up in powerful ways just at the right time and in ways that blow me away.  

We were celebrating my oldest son's birthday on Saturday as he is officially 10 and according to him, he's almost grown.  So I had just finished making his cupcakes when I suddenly got sick.  I mean really sick.  It was the strangest thing and I was all alone with five boys.  This was one of the only times Jeff has ever had to work on a Saturday and my sister was at my parents with her two little ones so I didn't have anyone readily available.  I found myself in bed as lunchtime was nearing and realized that there was no way I could get up long enough to make lunch for everyone.  So I called in my Mark.  He comes running and in the most precious, sincere voice he asks "How can I help you mom??"  When I ask him to make lunch for everyone he jumped up and became a little grown up all at once, and took care of five sweet little lives.  No complaints and everyone ate.    

About the time Mark was putting the finishing touches on lunch my mom walks in and cleans up the kitchen knowing I had family coming in just a few short hours.  Marco then runs into my bedroom, lays his head on my chest and begins to cry.  As I probe him to tell me what is going on, he looks into my eyes and says "I don't want to leave you."  Oh sweet baby, how I don't want you to ever leave...

As nap time comes for my youngest little mess, he comes skipping down the hall and jumps into bed with me, lays right down and snuggles into my side.  He puts his hand on my face and proceeds to pray, "Tank you God for mommy to feel better.  Amen"  

Words and actions from my sweet boys that I don't deserve.  Love from my mom that is overwhelming, and to know that these were just the beginnings of sacrifices people were about to make for me.  

Now today happens.  Have you ever had a day that puts you on the highest cloud and then Satan tries to brings you back down to the lowest low?  As I kick off a shoe drive fundraiser to bring Marco home, I have a conference call for what Sunday will look like when we take Marco back to the airport.  I'm listening to the lady on the other end tell us that our goodbyes need to be quick, we need to walk away without breaking down, and to not linger at the airport.  

The kids will be watching you as the go in, they might be looking for you but you need to say a quick goodbye and go on your way. 

Maybe it's best but the idea of just dropping my son off, not getting to cry with him, letting him know we will be back and this is not the end, tears my heart into a million pieces.  He doesn't get to know that Jeff and I will get to be his forever family, or that he has three brothers waiting on him anxiously to come back, or grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins.  Goodbye, Marco.  I hope you enjoyed your "vacation" in America.   What on Earth is this nonsense?  Last time I checked, he was a human being not some puppy dog going on an adventure.  Pray that even though we can't tell him the truth that he knows and receives peace from the Holy Spirit that we will be back for him.    

Moving forward.  My shoe fundraiser is getting off to an incredible start!!!  My friends and family have shown up today!  Thank you God for speaking to each one of them, moving in their hearts, and giving them courage to accept a challenge!  It has been truly amazing to watch.  People from all over my past and over the state of Texas is stepping up to donate shoes.  I really can't believe it.  Tears have been flowing freely as people are stepping out in faith and loving me so well!  I know God is going to use them in a mighty way!  Thank you all for loving me and my family so well.

Now here comes Satan.  He does not like what is going on in our family right now.  He wants me to fail miserably every day and works hard to try and make that happen.  Today though, he did not win.

The boys bring me the mail and there is a padded envelope from the Department of Family and Protective Services.  In it was a CD - a disc that held Mark and Jacob's story.  A story that has hurt, heartbreak, and trauma weaved in and out all through it.  Almost 1900 pages, 1878 pages to be exact. I started reading and then I became sick.  Sick with grief and pain, hurt for my boys and their past, for their mom and her own story, their dad and the sin that has overcome his life and then Christopher's dad, a young man that just had no idea what being a parent was all about.  This was not just some story from a book or a good Lifetime movie, this is their story.  A story they will have every day for the rest of their life. But then I am reminded, their story isn't finished.  God is not done with them yet! Their story will have a powerful ending and I get to be part of it.  As do you...

I want to leave you with some sweet words from my oldest.  I talked him into sitting on my lap for a few minutes today and he began to share with me a story about a recent week at AWANA.  It was about a girl.

"Mom, I totally fell in love with her.  She was so pretty, and then she never came back."

Cheering on daddy at his softball game tonight